What's your love language?

Have you ever tried to show someone how much you care for them? You bought them a gift, gave them a hug, filled their car up with gas, but your efforts seemed to go unrecognized by them? It's frustrating, you feel like you are doing all the things to show your token of love, but why are they not responding how you thought? Why are they not appreciating your efforts, and still feel unloved by you?

Simple. You aren't speaking their language.

When Tim and I first started dating, our very first therapist had us take our Love Languages Inventory, it was the first time I had heard of it. Our efforts of showing our love and appreciation for each other were falling flat and it was leading to frustration and feeling disconnected from each other.

Why does he not get how much I care for him? I'm cleaning the house, packing his lunch, giving him a kiss every morning before he leaves for work. Why am I not getting more acknowledgment from him?

I tell her all the time how much I care for her, how nice she looks, I bring her flowers and gifts that I know she will love, and she still thinks I don't love her. How does she not see it with all the things I am doing?!

Sound familiar?

It's a very discouraging and resentful path to be on, to feel like you are trying hard to connect and show your partner how much you love and care for them, but they don't seem to be picking up what you're putting down. We've been there, we get it. But there is a way to learn each other's language, to give and speak to your partner in a way they need in order for them to feel your adoration.

Fast forward, we left a therapy session with some homework, to both take the Love Language Assessment.

There are 5 categories, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts and Quality Time.

I don't remember our exact results, as this was over 6 years ago, but I do remember each of our number 1's. Mine was Physical Touch, and Tim's was Acts of Service.

Once you know how to communicate in your partner's language, and receive the communication you want from your partner, you start to jive a bit more. So, Tim could give me all the gifts in the world, but nothing would compare to an unsolicited hug or hand on my lower back. I could send Tim a text everyday with a praise or kind words, but nothing would compare to me doing some extra tasks to take something off his plate.

Now we are on the same page! How cool is this?! It has nothing to do with you or your lack of effort, it has everything to do with showing your partner you love them in a way they can accept it, receive it, feel it, and vice versa.

Anyways, since it had been several years since Tim and I did it the first time, with all these changes in our marriage happening anticipating the arrival our first child, we thought it was a good time to re-do the assessment. Love Languages can change, because people evolve, and so do relationships and our previous languages didn't seem to be doing the trick anymore. Below our are most current results, and they shifted!

My number one was Quality Time, and Physical Touch/Words of Affirmation were a tied second. Tim's number one was Quality Time and his second was Acts of Service.

Nonetheless, we've had to shift a few things about how we communicate and give our love to one another.

Tim's Love Language

33% Quality Time 23% Acts of Service 20% Physical Touch 13% Words of Affirmation 10% Receiving Gifts

Brandi's Love Language

37% Quality Time 23% Words of Affirmation 23% Physical Touch 17% Acts of Service 0% Receiving Gifts

If you want to learn how to love better and strengthen your relationship, you and your partner can take the free quiz here!

Thanks for reading!