Time Flies

Everyone always says how fast pregnancy goes and I am starting to fully understand that. I'm currently about 6 months pregnant... almost leaning into 3rd trimester. Like, where did the time go??

I'm still on team one and done. I can't say that I've really had a difficult pregnancy so far, which I am grateful for. Aside from COVID in 1st trimester, I've felt relatively good. No major aches and pains, no weird food things, no major cravings, a generally low risk pregnancy... the hardest part is the mental part.

I have days where I almost forget I'm pregnant and days where I feel panicked about what my life will look like and if this was a big mistake. Times of excitement and joy, times of anxiety and doubt. I worry about my identity after I become a mom.. it's still feels weird to even say that out loud. I don't feel like a mom. I don't want to completely lose myself in my new role. But how will I have time to do the things that I enjoy and the things that make me, me? Will I even want to anymore or will I be consumed with motherhood and absolutely love it? I have no idea. I also feel an anticipated sense of loss in my marriage, 2 becoming 3 is a big deal. I am selfish with my time with Tim and really cherish that relationship, and we've worked really hard on it, so adding another human into that dynamic feels both exciting and kind of scary. People talk about when you have kids that your kids will come first. Maybe so, but I want my husband, and our relationship to come first. That is what will help us be better parents, better individuals and have a strong foundation to raise a baby together.

Where did my body go?

The body changes. whoa. I feel like I all of a sudden popped a belly around 5ish months. It's a little overwhelming some days. I've always been a lean person, so all of a sudden having a belly is a little uncomfortable if I'm being honest. The anticipation of just getting bigger and bigger is scary. With a pre-existing back problem, I can't help but feel anxious that as my belly gets bigger, so will the pain. Thankfully, my back has stayed relatively mild so far... of course after 3 years of back pain, multiple interventions, injections, etc... pregnancy is what has helped it the most! 6 month in, I do have some discomfort from time to time with the stretching belly, it's mostly by the end of day, my belly feels very heavy and tight. Like there is a brick ( or a baby) sitting in my lower tummy. It's not painful, but it can get uncomfortable. Small things like that can send me in a tailspin of worrying.. I don't like to be uncomfortable, especially in a way that you have zero control over. My mantra? "Now, not forever" has been very helpful in those moments, and trying to just surrender to the process.

I've done a lot of work on my relationship with myself and body over the years, especially coming from a history of eating disorders and body dysmorphia, but pregnancy has REALLY challenged my headspace. I definitely think if I were pregnant 8 plus years ago, it would be a totally different experience for me mentally, and not in a positive way. But, being pregnant has also shown me I still have work to do in that space. For example, because I like to be honest with you all. I had some odd thoughts of feeling acceptance with having a belly right now, because having a belly is "normal" during pregnancy, so it was almost like a weight is lifting off my shoulders because body change is part of this process. The pressure was off of me having to have a certain look. So does that mean if I wasn't pregnant I would feel like it was unacceptable? Does that mean I felt more pressure to have a certain ideal body standard that I thought I did? I'm not sure, but it's something I will be exploring.

Diet culture is a real bitch, and it is crazy how engrained it is in us at a level that is not even conscious anymore. Even when we think we've done a lot of work to remove ourselves from that space ( which I believe I have) I still have a ways to go. Pregnancy continues to challenge my thoughts and move me forward on this journey of self- acceptance, respect for myself and body and so much more.

Bloopers. The shit no one tells you.

Should we move onto some funny stuff? Things that don't cross your mind at all when you are pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Like the fact when we were in Miami last week for a babymoon that I couldn't sun tan on my belly anymore so I had to keep flipping sides to hit my backside. Tim and I were laying by the beach and it was time to flip sides, I went to go maneuver into my regular belly down position and was like oh shit... this isn't going to work! Even better, a couple days before we left for vacation I was in the shower "cleaning up" was shaving my legs, having a good old time, went to go clean up the lady parts and BAM. I couldn't see it... where the hell did it go? It was there a week ago! After a good cry, and calling Tim upstairs for my mini emotional break down of having my vagina disappear, we continued to laugh about it. Waxing it is. Is this TMI yet? No? Ok, I'll keep going. The bedroom, talk about having to get creative. The things I could do before, or our "go tos" are no longer. I had a moment of feeling a little salty and uncomfortable in my body... like can't I just have sex how I want! Nope, you can't. LOL. Getting frustrated about it is a sure fire way to kill the mood so we've had to have some conversations about it, and take it as an opportunity to explore new things. What a journey!

Diet and Exercise

I always add a little blurb about diet and exercise but this is probably the most boring part because it hasn't changed a lot. Over the past 3 years, my workouts have vastly changed due to my back pain. I went from mostly CF to mostly weight training/hypertrophy with some conditioning/metcons thrown in as my back tolerated. Interesting enough, I've been able to do more CrossFit aligned workouts while pregnant but I still mostly weight train ( bodybuilding style). I haven't had to do much with the weight or intensity yet. Some movements like pullups and pushups are now modified because of the belly. But for the most part, I am moving the same as I was prior to pregnancy with little discomfort. Some movements I do from a hang position rather than the floor just cause it's easier to maneuver around the bump. Diet, not much is different there either. I eat the same nutrient- dense diet about 85% of the time, I enjoy sushi, ice cream and chocolate as i did before. I've had zero pregnancy cravings and I am hopeful that it's partially due to my nutrition over the past few years. My diet is heavily influence by ancestral health, centered around animal products, some plants like vegetables and fruit, really no grains or seed oils. Beef, chicken thighs, eggs, avocado, butter, raw/aged cheese, full fat yogurts, vegetables, tubers, fruits and some fermented foods like kraut and kombucha at times. What more does one need? I've also had my fair share of emotional eating because I'm human and pregnancy can be hard!

Baby Registry

Wow was that overwhelming! There are seemingly so many "things" and gadgets you need and of course, I naturally question the need for most things :). I legit have no idea what I'll need, and I do appreciate and invite peoples suggestions and feedback. However, does one need 4 different carriers, 5 different swaddle blankets, 4 different sleep sacks and 5 different contraptions to set your baby in? Maybe, but I am not sold yet and Tim and I decided to go on the minimalist side. I plan to baby carry a lot ( pending my back) not in a carrier all the time, just holding, skin to skin. Of course we will have a chair and a floor mat for when we need breaks or need to get shit done. There is some pretty cool information out there about the importance of baby carrying... not in a sling, stroller, bouncer or carrier in regards to their biological development, muscular development and building a strong body.

Now, who knows, maybe I won't want to do that at all lol, it sounds kind of exhausting, but right now, it resonates and makes most sense to me. My favorite resource for this is here. I also follow @ontrackbaby on IG which is run by 2 Pediatric OT's, and the importance of more time on the ground or in arms, than in a container of some sort. It's just such interesting stuff and so much different than what I've been taught or seen!

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Every blog I usually share some resources or products that I am currently doing so here are my 2nd Trimester must haves. Outside of the list below, I continue bi-weekly therapy to support my mind, and bi-weekly prenatal massages because it feels damn good.

1. I see a Pelvic Floor PT regularly- I actually started seeing Erin months ago for my back and it's been a blessing to continue with her. I wish this service was built into, accessible to anyone in their ( and paid for) prenatal care. I see Erin and she is amazing. Minnesota | Motion

2. My two current reads:

HynoBirthing- I don't think I will do the full protocol of hypnobirthing, but the breathing and relaxation tips have been super helpful and empowering.

Nourishing Traditions Book of Baby and Childcare - so much great information from trying to conceive into childhood years in regards to birth, interventions, nourishment, breastfeeding, childhood development, with a holistic approach.

I am also still reading through some of the 1st trimester books too, check my last couple blogs for those recs.

3. Maternity Shorts I'll be honest, I was salty about having to buy maternity shorts/jeans, but I was pleasantly surprised with these and they even fit better than my normal jean shorts!

4. 8 Sheeps Organics I've been rubbing this on my belly at night before I go to bed, it's a magnesium based cream that helps promote comfort and relaxation.

5. Beef Liver capsules. Yes, you read that right. Beef liver is a great source of nutrition, especially in pregnancy when you look at the essential vitamins and minerals to grow a baby. I hate the taste of liver so I buy these instead.

6. Electrolytes. Electrolytes are super important in pregnancy, labor and breastfeeding. I use LMNT, they are the best!

7. Lastly, this is a great resource to get a breast pump, literally the easiest process ever. Shout out to my cousin for sending this to me. You enter in your information and they do everything for you, they contact your insurance, see what is covered, and then send you a list of your options, you pick what you want and they send it to your front door! Easy peasy.

Of course, this is by no means an medical advice, talk to your doctor. I am just sharing my experience and things that have been helpful to me.

Maybe I will share some of my birth plan next blog, comment below if you want to hear about it! Or, if you want to share any advice or your experience with pregnancy and labor, shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. Brandisheehahealth@gmail.com

See you in 3rd Trimester folks, thanks for reading.