Meet Murray.

I don't even know where to begin on this one. I knew going into birth that whatever you think will happen, probably won't happen because babies do what they please, no matter how thoughtful your birth plan might be, but boy did I not anticipate my experience.

I did write out some birth preferences, and I still think it's a good idea with the acceptance that it may completely flip flop. My actual labor and birth went pretty good, and it did align with some of my preferences and I am very grateful for that. I read a lot about the process and it really did prepare me, I just like to understand what my options are and the choices I have, in that sense, I felt good about it. What I didn't think about was all the things that could go wrong post-delivery, because I didn't think the would.

Monday 8/22: I was out for a walk with the dog, it was super hot and humid outside but I couldn't help but think, man, I feel some dampness downstairs that feels a little different, but I brushed it off thinking it was just sweat. I got home and was about to head out the door to an acupuncture appt and the dampness feeling was a bit stronger. I decided to not go to my appt and sit down for a bit. I had yet to pee myself in pregnancy so I was confident it wasn't my bladder. I met with Dr. Google and it told me to lay down for 20 minutes, and sit up, if you feel some leakage, it's probably game on. So I did, and low and behold, a solid trickle went down my leg. Oh shit.

I texted Tim who was at the gym and told him he might need to come home after his workout instead of coaching his classes. I called the doctor and they didn't have room to see me at St. Johns where I was delivering, but told me to go to Woodwinds to get checked to confirm indeed my water broke.

Tim got home and we drove to the hospital. Sure as shit, I didn't pee my pants. They called my doctor and asked my preference about staying at the hospital or going home, I wanted to go home and labor as long as I could. They called my doctor and my doctor said if you tell her she needs to stay, she's going to leave anyways so let her go home for the night. Hehe, she knows me well. I wasn't having contractions at this time so that's why I was able to leave, with the agreement I would come back in 12 hours and I would be staying. Deal. Tim and I drove home, stopped at the store, picked up hospital snacks and had a nice relaxing evening with a solid meal.

Tuesday 8/23: I didn't sleep a wink the previous night, I was nervous, anxious, and anticipated contractions starting but they never did. We got to the hospital around 7am and checked in, I cried several times on the way there, nerves, excitement, scared, all the emotions flooded us. I was pretty adamant about letting birth start on it's own but, once you're water has been broke for 24 hours your risk of infection goes up so they really wanted to get the balll rolling. Typical Brandi fashion, I asked for a couple more hours, the doctor let us leave the hospital and Tim and I went and walked around for the next 90 minutes. All the curb walks and lunges. By the way, I COULD NOT BELIEVE, they wouldn't let you leave the hospital, even just walk around outside on the grounds... what am I a zoo animal? What do you think it more conducive to birth, being outside in nature.. our natural habitat, or in a hospital room walking around!? Goodness. It was agreed upon if labor didn't start by then, they would want me to either start Pitocin or Cervidil, 2 drugs to encourage contractions. I did not want Pitocin, that was one thing I wasn't willing to be flexible on, so instead I agreed to take 1/4 of the Cervidil... the smallest dose I could take. Pitocin would speed things up more quickly, the Cervidill was something I would take every few hours until contractions increased, but it would be slower, feeling similar to mild period cramps and then intensifying over time.

Twenty minutes later after the pill I was on the hospital floor in labor! I remember looking at Tim and being like WTF, this is not a period cramp. They were intense and only a few minutes a part. I asked him to get me a bath going and I labored in the bathtub. It was extremely intense, it's hard to explain what a contraction feels like, for me it was like a deep burning sensation in my lower abdomen, and it was moving along so fast I couldn't catch my breath. Then, of course, I started puking. The contractions were a couple minute a part, and I would start puking or dry heaving every time, which made it very difficult to relax in between them or try to breath through them. 2.5 hours later in the tub I couldn't handle it anymore. I said "fuck this natural shit, Tim get me an epidural." They checked my cervix and I went from 2cm to 8 or 9cm in that short period of time without pain medication. A doctor came in and administered the epidural, they called my normal doctor to come to the hospital. Shortly after, she checked again, it was time to push. It all happened so fast! It was wild.

I had a really good epidural so I was able to move around a lot in my bed, I could still feel the pressure of each contraction and when to push, I just couldn't feel the pain that came with it. I pushed for almost 4 hours, I was exhausted, and unfortunately the nausea kept happening. You now how hard it is to push and puke at the same time? I was not that talented. As we approached the 4th hour, I was so exhausted and was starting to get discouraged, my contractions and her heart rate were slowing down a bit so they really need to get her out if it didn't happen soon. She started talking about the vacuum and other interventions and all I thought was fuck no. I did not push this long to end up not getting her out on my own. I took a few rips of Pitocin to increase the contractions and gave it all my might. The amount of adrenaline I felt was overwhelming. Soon enough, Murray was born. The moment of that baby sitting on your chest is indescribable. We were in love. I can't share my birth story without giving shout out to my husband who the best support person I could have asked for, fully invested and everything I needed.

So it's all over now, right? Baby is healthy, delivery went well, I'm in baby bliss with her sitting on my chest while Tim and I are mesmerized by her. Story over, happy ending.....until you have a placenta that won't come out.....

Typically after birth, you continue to contract until your placenta comes out, which is usually within 30 minutes, anything longer you start to run some risks of bleeding and infection. My placenta didn't want to come out, in fact, it somehow grew into my uterine wall and got attached. An OB was called to help get it out since we were now pushing 40 minutes. It still wouldn't budge, I cannot begin to tell you how weird it was to give birth, and then have to have a hand ( her arm actually) go right back up in attempts to scrap the placenta out. Mind blown. I started bleeding.... a lot. I remember feeling these big surges of warmth, which I later found out was gushing blood. I was rushed into an emergency D&E surgery at this point. A surgery where they go back in through the vagina with a scraping tool to get the rest of the placenta out. I don't remember much at this point, I was drifting in and out of conscious as people were scrambling around me in the OR room. It was like watching ER, frantic, busy, and way too many people. I was put under for the surgery and didn't wake up until I was in the recovery room. The one thing I do remember was the shaking, between the blood loss and adrenaline, I had these crazy, uncontrollable shakes like I was freezing, but didn't actually feel cold. My jaw and shoulders were so sore the next day from all the shivering. It was wild.

I ended up losing 4 liters of blood and having a blood transfusion. The amount of fentanyl, oxy, antibiotics and other pains medication I was on makes me cringe. I remember asking them at one point before the anesthesia kicked in if I was going to die. Tim was beside himself watching all this happen while having a fresh newborn put in his arms while his wife was rushed out of the room. It was a lot for both of us.

Wednesday 8/24:The next day was a blurr. I was confined to my bed, I had a catheter in to go to the bathroom and another balloon catheter to prevent anymore bleeding. It was the worst feeling ever, not only the pain and discomfort, but not being able to care for my baby. I was on antibiotics every 4 hours, and a blood draw every 4 hours to watch my hemoglobin. Tim was a rock star and picked up his dad duties ( and mom duties) like a pro.... feeding, changing, rocking, while I sat in bed and watched. I was so sad and just cried at the helplessness, but so proud of my husband at the same time. They will forever have a solid bond from that time together.

Thursday 8/25: Time to go home. I'm recovering pretty well, it's like normal postpartum recovery x10. I have to really take it easy due to the risk of bleeding and infection. I am so happy miss Murray was out in the world when this shit storm happened. We will have to continue to process the event because it was pretty scary and intense for us, but are both grateful for fast acting medical care when you need it. Literally every intervention I didn't want I ended up needing in the end, irony at it's finest!

Murray is doing wonderfully and was back at her birth weight in 4 days after birth, she's a good eater! It typically can take infants a couple weeks. I was told that I might not be able to have any more kids due to the trauma to the uterus and risk of my placenta attaching again in future pregnancies'. Most woman end up getting histerectomy after something like Placenta Accreta. It was a freak incident that no one could predict and no one really knows what causes it. Another interesting thing is due to the blood loss, they thought my milk would take about double the amount of time to come in and it still came in within 4 days, win! Bodies are amazing, and I wish I had this much respect for my body years ago.

Anyways, I feel like I have so much more to share but this is getting long, so I will end here.

PS. yes you go to the bathroom while in labor, and no, you don't give a fuck. Hospital food isn't as terrible as i thought, shit ingredients but it's a blip in time that my body can handle. Having snacks was a very good idea. The nursing staff was amazing. Buy your own pads, peri bottle, disposable underwear because theirs sucks. Bring your own bath towel, pillow and blanket for your partner. Steal everything you can before you leave... pacifiers, receiving blankets, pads.

Thanks for reading, as always.

Brandi, Tim and Murray