Home Stretch.
- Brandi Sheehan
- Jun 24, 2022
- 7 min read
And here we are, as I am typing this, I'm currently almost 31 weeks ( 33 weeks on the doctors timeline) weeks pregnant. My official due date is August 13th, although I don't think I will pop until the 3rd week in August.
Being pregnant is wild and I feel like so many things have happened, I don't even know where to start. While I've relatively had a pretty easy pregnancy, as far as minimal problems, symptoms or physical discomfort, the MIND is a totally different story.
As many of you know, I've struggled with panic disorder and anxiety for several years. The uncomfortable thing about panic, is that it seemly can come out of nowhere, and you get this overwhelming, terrifying feeling of intense fear, or that you will lose control, with a bunch of physical symptoms. Anxiety and panic are two very different things, and unless you've actually had a panic attack, it can be a very difficult thing to explain or for people to understand because often enough ( at least for me) they are very irrational fears. The worst part of panic attacks ( which leads to having the disorder) is the fear of having them reoccur and developing agoraphobia ( fear of certain places/things). I'd say I have fear of having them more often than actually having them, which is a wild state to be in and pregnancy has really provoked more of these feelings in me as of the 3rd trimester. That has undoubtedly been the hardest part of pregnancy for me in these last couple months.
I've had a couple of really rough nights of sleep which threw me a curve ball too and just added to my anxiety. Most woman had reported difficulties sleeping in 3rd trimester, but mostly due to physical discomfort, I haven't hit that point yet, my issues probably link into my anxiety more than anything. I've probably slept in my own bed 4 nights in the last 2 weeks. I had one really bad night where my panic was sky high, and if you know about panic, once you correlate an experience or physical symptom with fear, it tends to perpetuate. So, every night after that, I was not able to get my body to calm down enough to sleep and each day leading up to sleep, I worry about not being able to fall asleep and the cycle continues. The couch and I have become really close friends. Thankfully after some mindfulness and increase in therapy, my sleep is starting to return to normal... for now.
I definitely am having more emotional thoughts now than I did the last 7 months. Somedays there is so much excitement of bringing a new relationship into our lives and all the joy and things we want to do with her and teach her. Other days, I still have thoughts of not wanting this, doubt, regret, and fear of how much our lives will change shortly. Did we make a mistake? What if I don't really like being a parent? What if I resent doing this? What if my relationship with Tim suffers?
For all you new mothers out there, I do want to say, that those thoughts are NORMAL. Accepting and surrendering to the fact that thoughts are just thoughts, and that it's normal to have such a wide range of feeling and emotions during this time helps me keep moving. I also have a mantra that's been tremendously helpful in times of discomfort, whether its emotional discomfort or physical discomfort, "Now, Not Forever." I got that from my pelvic floor PT!
What else. Hmmm. Within the last couple months, my doctor ( temporary doctor actually because mine is on maternity leave) brought up concern that my belly was measuring small for my gestational age. My first thought was, well, I'm a smaller person, and have some abdominal muscle, and sometimes woman who have both those things, end up having a smaller belly, at least from my research. But, when someone says something to you like that, it's enough to provoke a little bit of worry although I felt, in my gut, that everything was just fine. I had no other risk factors ( like high blood pressure, I was eating normally, an irregular baby heart beat, my weight gain was within their "norm", and have had zero issues or funky symptoms of pregnancy up until that point).
Now, I am most definitely not asking you to defy your doctor, but I do think that the art of knowing your body has been lost amongst this modern world. We no longer question, ask for more information, or advocate for ourselves and this is most apparent within our health care system. I also know that within the medical model of pregnancy ( versus like a midwivery model of pregnancy) as soon as you start with interventions/extra assessments, the need for more and ongoing ones in the future is almost a given. That is exactly what I don't want. I want the least amount of intervention as possible, assuming myself and baby are good. There isn't always a medical need for things, sometimes there is just standard practice/protocol, and I think that's where it's important to ask questions. So as long as baby and I are healthy, I want the natural rhythm of pregnancy and labor to try to take its course.
Long story short, Tim and I talked and we decided to hold off until our next appt and re-measure. I grew 1.5cm which was exactly the growth they want to see, but it was still "small" to their standards so the doctor continued to recommend the ultrasound. We had a choice to make, get it done to appease them, or continue to have this conversation at every appointment. We ended up scheduling the ultrasound. Here is the kicker too, insurance is fighting to cover this even though it's deemed medically necessary by my doctor. WHAT A JOKE. Another reason why I cannot stand insurance companies, they are designed to make money, not always care for your best interests. I continue to be in a fight with them, stay tuned on that one. I also had to check my ego at the door because I am no doctor, and while I am very attuned with my body, it's a heavy thing to weigh on you.
Oh, I bet you want to know the outcome of the ultrasound? She was perfect. Moving on.
After that, I really started questioning if I wanted to switch to a midwife. I have a list of providers who deliver at St. Johns just incase I decide to switch care. I want to wait until my normal doctor gets back, so myself, her and Tim can sit down and talk about my birth preferences and see if it's something that I met with resistance, or something she is willing to jive with us on. I will do another post in a few weeks about my birthing plan as well, just you wait!
The up and down energy in 3rd trimester is wild. Way worse than the first 7 months. Some days I have my normal stable energy, but most days, I need a nap by 12pm. So what do I do? I nap! Of course. I know that doesn't always work for everyone, but if I can give you one piece of advice, especially in the home stretch..... take it easy when you need to take it easy. I just schedule in 30 minutes of downtime into my day incase I need a nap at this point. I am much more productive overall if I can honor the need to rest.
A few other note-worthy mentions. I've officially hit the stage where I need to eat like a bird, which is a tad bit annoying. I've been able to really eat my normal sized meals which is like 2 or 3 a day up until this point. But over the last week that has changed drastically and my poor belly just can't handle as much food in one sitting so I am focusing on smaller meals, if I don't I do get heartburn it. Outside of that, my diet has been relatively the same. I just focus on nutrient dense human food... exactly the same as I've been doing for the last few years; meat, eggs, poultry, pork, nuts, seeds, fruits, vegetables, and full fat (raw if I can find it) dairy products. No need to complicate food folks! I still drink 2 cups of coffee a day, deli meat, sushi and soft cheese. You have to do what you are comfortable with, and for me, the benefits of those foods far outweigh the risk. Do your own research. I am not your doctor and am not giving you nutritional advice, I am just sharing my own experience.
My workouts still continue to be pretty great for the most part, I modify when needed but that's about it. The pregnant body is amazing, I actually feel stronger now (I may have even added some muscle!) than I did pre-pregnancy and my back pain that I had prior to getting pregnant has been relatively non-existent. Win!
What else do you want to know?? How about sex? Well, let's just say that I can't wait for the day I can get back to having sex how I like to have sex lol! It takes some modifications and creativity at this point for sure. Its not a huge a deal, but intimacy is something Tim and I value in our marriage and have many conversations about, so it's hard when you have to change your expectations so much. Another thing no one seems to talk about, sex/intimacy after birth. We are started to have those conversations too, what do we need to for each other so we can stay intimately connected when actual sex is not an option while I recover.
We are also planning on batch cooking a few meals to freeze to take a load off our shoulders in that delicate time after birth. I am planning to take 3 months of maternity leave and we are super grateful that Tim gets 6-8 weeks of paid paternity leave as well. I have to use my PTO and he gets paid time off... how ass backwards is that?! Don't get me started on the quality of maternity care in this country :). Nonetheless, I am still grateful we will have that time together to adjust to our new little family.
I've wrapped up most of my pregnancy/birthing books at this point and am starting to dive into some post partum care- how to nourish myself and take care of myself during that time.
Quick recap of my favorite pregnancy books so far; for the entire list- refer back to my early pregnancy blogs.
Real Food for Pregnancy - I honestly think every pregnant or wanting to be pregnant person should read this.
Moving on to the books I am reading now, or plan to in postpartum;
I think that's it for today folks! I appreciate you reading. If you have any ideas of future blog posts, whether it be about pregnancy, birth, nutrition, lifestyle, drop them in the comments,
Peace.
Comments